Parenting with Trauma

Being a parent is one of the most difficult and simultaneously rewarding roles we can be in as humans. It’s commonly discussed that every parent’s goal is to give their child a better life than they had. Unfortunately, it’s also often the case that patterns repeat themselves when we aren’t aware of the hard work it takes to make changes. Even when we are aware of the changes we need to make, the act of actually changing is incredibly difficult.

Taking Personal Accountability

As the adult in the relationship, it is the parent’s responsibility to take personal inventory of emotions and trigger points. Doing your own work on personal trauma and breaking your own negative habits are the most important aspects of ensuring that you are as healthy as possible as a parent. My biggest obvious recommendation would be to get into therapy in order to better understand your past traumas and how your own childhood shaped who you are. Another important part of this is to take adequate time for yourself—prioritize your relationships, hobbies and interests, and ensure you are taking care of your own personal health.

What is Gentle Parenting?

Gentle Parenting is characterized by empathy, respect, understanding and boundaries rather than a more traditional parenting style that focuses on punishment. Regarding your child with the care and compassion that you would need to process your own traumas is what will help them self-regulate and process their own emotions. According to the Cleveland Clinic, this type of parenting can increase self-awareness, empathy, and motivation in children. Essentially, modeling self-compassion and empathy toward your child for their emotions will help them be compassionate toward themselves and those around them as well.

What is Reparenting?

Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child. Whether your trauma came directly from parents, or whether you simply weren’t equipped with the tools to handle your trauma at the time, it is never too late to learn self-compassion. Affirming and validating your own emotions, focusing on healthy coping mechanisms, and exercising self-control over knee-jerk reactions are a few large tenets of reparenting. Practicing this will help heal yourself and also help you become a better parent. 

Bigleyj. (2022, December 2). What is gentle parenting? Cleveland Clinic. Retrieved December 7, 2022, from https://health.clevelandclinic.org/what-is-gentle-parenting/ 

N. (2019, September 29). What is reparenting and how to begin. The Holistic Psychologist. Retrieved December 7, 2022, from https://theholisticpsychologist.com/what-is-reparenting-and-how-to-begin/